Why I have to break up with you because you liked 500 Days of Summer
Guest post by Sean McGrath

Ok. We have to break up. I know it's kind of coming out of left field, but I am absolutely sure of my decision. But you "loved" 500 Days of Summer.  "Loved." You used the word like nine times last night after the movie was over. And you just kept talking about it, like I wasn't right there, sitting on the couch, watching it with you. You actually twirled when you were talking about it.  Good lord. Twirling?  I'm all for being inspired, or entranced, or enamored with art, but to react that way to that movie is beyond me. First of all, Zoey Deschanel comes off as a total manipulative harpy. Who invites their ex-boyfriend to their engagement party? What the fuck?

And an ex-boyfriend that she knows is still into her. But at the end, they're all calm and resolute and cool with each other. Nuh-uh.  That don't fly. Maybe he forgave her for the mind-drubbing she gave him, but that scene just kills me. This guy is the biggest coward in movie history. And you know, it's not THAT bad of a movie. It's not like it wasn't shot well, or the Gordon-Levitt can't act, it's just that it's so goddamn pretentious. "Oh, you like The Smiths, cool?" Give me a f-ing break. So they both like an extremely good band from the '80s, and all of a sudden it's like they both have the same pizza shaped birthmark on their hip or something. Liking the Smiths is not some clandestine treasure that only a few people hold dear. I won't dissect this movie completely, but I do want to discuss a spoiler so if you really do want to spend two hours grinding a fork into your thigh while you tolerate this movie, then stop reading now. Ok, still with me? At the end of the movie, Summer (Deschanel) has dumped him, and he's finally "over" her more or less. So at the BIG job interview he meets an attractive brunette in the waiting area, who's going out for the same position. They banter back and forth a bit, and then he asks her out for a drink. At first she declines, then she changes her mind and accepts (Hooray!). So, here we go, ready to feel stupid in your face? They exchange names, and guess what her name is? It's AUTUMN!   Like the season? Get it? Because he just went through a total mind fuck of a relationship with a girl named Summer, and now he meets a girl named Autumn?! What the deuce? WOW! YAAAAAAAAY!
....

And then he looks at the camera. Right into the lens. As if to imply, "You got to be kidding me" or "Here we go!" or "Oh, boy..." or a thousand other stupid emotions you don't want to have be the button on your movie unless you hate your audience and think they're stupid.
So there we go. That's why we are breaking up. I can't stay with someone who got duped like that. Tricked by this movie into thinking that love is.. I don't know... fair. Plus you twirled.  Give me a break.